So...I broke my foot... (post 1 of - who knows how many!) ;)
Updated: Jan 12
So...I broke my foot. Only 5 days ago, but it seems like eons already. (Originally written on the 14th of January).
Feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment, shame (I was LITERALLY just walking down the street - not even anything cool or fun, like ice skating or something! LOL), sadness, self-pity...all of it, surged thru me on and off for the first couple days. To be expected, yes? Fair? I'm only human, right? The negative self-talk was pretty loud in here...oh, and then there's the physical pain of it all.
But luckily, all my meditation practices and mindfulness training and yogic thinking prevailed. ✌ And quite frankly, when you spend an entire life with the name, Miracle, you kinda start out with a different perspective on things. At least I did. So thankfully, I've been able to SURRENDER. To be appreciative and maybe even excited about what this journey could mean for me. If nothing else, curious. 😜 It seems that, if you choose, in moments like these when all your plans get kicked to the curb, your obligations have to be tweaked or even cancelled, and your expectations of yourself are laughable, all you're left with is HUMILITY AND GRATITUDE.
Not a bad exchange, if you ask me. 💖 It's an opportunity to be even MORE vulnerable, to ask for help and practice RECEIVING it, to REST and learn to be PATIENT...especially with yourself, it's an invitation to GO SLOW in this ridiculously fast-paced world, and maybe most importantly - an invitation go INWARD. And I am TRULY eager to learn these lessons once and for all (although probably not completely)! Haha (as you know, the universe loves to give you a bunch of opportunities in a bunch of different ways to like...REALLY get something. And until you do, she'll keep delivering).
All that to say, THANK YOU to my hubby and family and friends and collaborators and students and clients and fellow teachers and leaders and doctors and nurses and staff who have already shown up so beautifully. I'm SO lucky and SO appreciative.
Okay, well...I've got about 5 or so weeks left of this journey, so I'm sure they'll be another update or twenty in the process. Thanks for caring, thanks for reading. Xoxo
POST #2: a poem, by a non-poet...here goes nothin'
Doctors - they sure don't tell us everything, at least not all at once.
Patients - we should realize it rhymes with "patience"...if we don't, we're kind of a dunce.
Healing...one little bone bridge at a time.
Healing...my heart of the grease and grime.
Shame, Frustration, Disappointment & Maybe a Little Bit of Fear.
Faith, Rest, Love & Acceptance...a couple more months and we're in the clear.
It'll be be 4 weeks this Thursday - only 2 or 3 of these left to go.
Thank you for reading & caring & sharing - down the river of life we row.
The gift in the grit.
The truth is, I felt SUPER moved and inspired to write something when I hit the 8/9 week mark, and for some reason I didn't...I can't even remember why now.
BUT...here we are! It'll be 12 weeks tomorrow! WOW... I don't need the boot, the scooter or the crutches anymore! I'm hobbling around and tight and achy and soar and out of shape but my body and I are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy to be moving again, I can't even tell you! Slow and steady wins the race, y'all...I see it!
I've been saying to my friends and family, that it was almost like I went into quarantine two and a half months before everybody else! Which on one hand made me feel even MORE coo-koo...that as soon as I MIGHT be able to start moving again and go out in the world, Mother Nature put us all on a time out.
But then my actual mom called and congratulated me saying that in a way I had an advantage because of it...like I was emotionally, spiritually and mentally already prepared for what we were ALL about to go through without knowing it. She was right!
Then a few days ago one of my clients said that my broken foot (which prevented me from starting all these ADDITIONAL in-person yoga classes, meditation classes and mindful workshops) actually kept me safe. My risk wasn't increased before the awareness caught on. She was right.
In February, I pulled a card from Gabby Bernstein's SUPER ATTRACTOR card deck that said, "IN STILLNESS I RECEIVE". I told my best friend about it because I was freaking out about money since ALL the normal ways I make money were taken away from me - including as a performer, due to my broken foot. She told me to really pay attention to what that card said and have faith. I thought she was talking solely about my income and the abundance of the universe. She said, "I dunno, Mir...I think you're going to end up receiving a lot more than money!". She was right. So far I've received the following: Clarity, Grace, Peace, Joy, Creativity, Inspiration, Guidance & Support. And we ain't done yet! ;)
Being a meditator and mindfulness coach, it is my habit...my default reaction...to see the light in the darkness and the lesson in the struggle, and I am grateful for that. But my friends, I am also only human. Some days are trying and some days are easy. Some days fly by and some feel like an eternity. Some days you feel trapped and some days you feel freer than you ever imagined possible...and from the outside, nothing has changed.
I'm going to write more about the pandemic that we're all going through in a separate post, but for now I'll say this:
A lot more than just my foot healed during this time of "forced" stillness and surrender. My spiritual faith and stamina has increased and expanded. My relationships look a little different but have also been fortified. My business has evolved and I don't move a muscle without knowing my why. My tolerance for the intolerable has grown, and I now fully see that patience = grace. For yourself and those around you. I see that acceptance, forgiveness, compassion, love and time are the only answers...to anything. But I also see now, that I am allowed to change my mind. And I WILL change my mind. Because that's what being a human is all about. Try, learn, adapt, try again.
And maybe one of my favorite lessons from this journey so far? NOTHING is permanent and EVERYTHING is temporary. So let it go and let it flow. Enjoy the ride and do your best. "Good" or "Bad"...ALL of it...this too, shall pass. So breathe, my friends...breathe.
Like me and my poor little broken (now healed!) foot...we WILL come out of this...stronger, more loving, brighter, freer, beautiful and more connected than ever. I promise you...we just have to be present to all that life is here to teach us and say yes. In this moment, and this moment, and this moment.
I'll be right here with you...let's do this. Thank you for reading.
"One Year Already?!?!" or is it, "IT'S ONLY BEEN A YEAR?!?!?"
I just read my 4/1/2020 entry in this post and I like what I said there, so please read at least that part if you haven't already. ;) A lot has happened since then, and hopefully my broken bone wasn't the only healing that went on in 2020. If nothing else, I think there's the beginning of some healing in this country.
So on Saturday, 1/9/2021, I honored the One Year Anniversary of breaking my foot walking down the street. I went for a (masked) walk around my neighborhood, and I said thank you a lot. I enjoyed the sun and the breeze on my face. I thanked my body for all its working parts. I thanked the Universe for this amazing neighborhood I'm lucky to live in, and I thanked the moment for this gift of time and celebration.
I released any residual shame, embarrassment, guilt, sadness, anger, resentment, fear, or PTSD around the break. I said thank you for the lessons learned and I let it go. Then I said more thank yous...my usual round of gratitudes, but also there was something magical about that moment where I was pacing in front of my building...walking back and forth on top of the "sidewalk where it happened", RECLAIMING that space, clearing it of negativity, and infusing it with ease, attention, light, love, strength and joy. It was a really powerful moment.
Then it was like Mother Nature herself put on a show just for me. The wind was goin' a little nuts, but not overwhelmingly so. The sun was starting to set, so the sky was changing, and truly beautiful. The birds were soaring about and the trees were swaying in the wind. I just sat on my steps and watched all of it. A beautiful song came on in my earbuds and I was mesmerized by the simplicity of it all. And how truly SATISFYING that simplicity and stillness was.
And then it hit me. That is truly THE gift that breaking my foot, and this pandemic, and 2020 gave me: "slow down, Mir". If I really believe that we live in a loving and infinite Universe, then there really is no rush. Nowhere to go, and nowhere to be, but this moment. And this moment. And this one. And once you "get" what that means because you HAVE to put it into practice, it can set you free. I am truly grateful for this past year and all it taught me.
Here's to leading with love, slowing down, paying attention, prioritizing rest, care and kindness, and waking up to do it all over again tomorrow.